1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
