yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
