I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
