I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
