Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
