pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
