Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
