dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
