Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
