ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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