hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
