You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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