Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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