i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You're like the curious george of whores
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
