When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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