Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
