cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
