when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
