I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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