We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
