yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
