do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
