I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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