Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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