hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
