All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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