You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
