Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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