Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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