Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
