Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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