i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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