I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
