Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
