I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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