You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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