Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
