it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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