A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
