I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
