So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
