Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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