Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
bring money and cleavage
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
