So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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