this beer tastes like vomit already
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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