Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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