check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
