Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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