How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
