so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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