also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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