The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
