If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
