end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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