I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
