We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
