just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
